To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an
experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile
complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101
courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say,
ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has
proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well
as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel
guity beyond words about these things.
For example when we’re back stage and the
lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn’t affect me
the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the
the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and
envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to
you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking
it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should
have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything
within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it’s not
enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a
lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things
when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to
regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much
better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally, and as fans of
our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I
have for everyone. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people
too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little,
sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you just enjoy it? I
don’t know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats
ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to
be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is
good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can
barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable,
self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become.
I have it good, very good, and I’m
grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in
general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have
empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning,
nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too
much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so
remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your
alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
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